My heart.

My heart is hurting. My heart is happy. My heart is a reminder of the beauty of God and of creation, of the life He gives us.
     "then the Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature" -Genesis 2:7

The heart is a powerful thing...place. Not only does it pump blood through our veins, giving life to our bodies, but it is important to God! Over and over again in scripture we see references to the heart, our heart. To "love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. (Deuteronomy 6:5)
I may not be the best writer/blogger (I'm more like a below-average-writer, sharing what God has and is doing in our lives in random, sometimes crazy stories and sentences!), but I pray that this blog and my life show my heart for Him. I want my heart to beat for Christ, not just on Sundays or at any other church or Christian event/gathering, but from the moment I rise to the moment I lay my head down and I pray for that everyday. I pray that Christ is amplified in my speech and in my actions. I want to be like Jesus, as He says in John 12:45, "And whoever sees me sees him who sent me." I love the quote  by John Piper: "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him." My prayer is that my heart be saturated in His Word daily that I may delight in His works, His words, His Word and that He receive ALL GLORY AND HONOR AND PRAISE in my life! As a mother, I'm constantly reminded of God's heart, as He has allowed Trey and I the blessing and privilege to raise our two beautiful girls, to train them up in the ways of His Word that they may know Him and that their lives would glorify His name.

My heart rejoices in being His daughter, rejoices in being a wife to a wonderful big-hearted godly man, rejoices in being a mother to two beautiful daughters, and rejoices in the burden He has placed on our hearts for orphans and to one day be a mother to one or many who were once abandoned/orphaned. But my heart hurts for them now, my heart hurts for the lost, the lonely, the dying, those children who go to bed hungry, those mothers who sit in their huts/homes day after day just wondering where there next meal will come from or where they will possibly find water (whether clean or dirty), my heart burdens for the widow that will die alone who has become blind because of the lack of nourishment, my heart cries out for the old man who sits drinking his sorrows away day after day. I thank God for the joy in my heart, but I also give Him thanks for the aches and pains that are also there. The book of Psalm is evidence of a man that had a heart of joy and also a heart that was burdened. I believe those go hand and hand. My own heart hurts when I sin, when I sin against the God who gave me life, but I can rejoice in knowing that by asking for forgiveness that is pure, He will hear my cries and will forgive because I have given Him my heart by trusting in Him as my Lord and Savior. He has given us life more abundantly. (John 10:10)

I know, again, this is a long post, but God isn't done speaking so I'm not done typing!  This past month has led to many changes in my life, the life of our family, our adoption, and where we call home (and what fills our home)! First, let me say thank you! Thank you for your prayers and those who have financial supported our adoption journey so far! If you didn't see my post on facebook, we finally received our I-600 A Form back from Homeland Security, APPROVED! Yup, that's right! Over a year ago we started this wonderful journey, and now we have been approved for the adoption of up to 3 children from Malawi! Praise the Lord! If you don't know the joy of adoption (I know, we don't have our children yet, but trust me this journey has still brought much joy to us!), then you should pray about it because, well, God commands us to care for the orphaned (James 1:27)!

This past month has also been a time of 'peeling back, decluttering, emptying out'! What am I talking about? Well, a couple of things: 1. Literally, we have simplified our life and our home. Less TV (if any) and less "stuff" fills our home. We have sold a bunch of our stuff and the rest, the stuff I didn't list on craigslist (but still is beautiful in the eyes of most of the world) we have given away. These were things were holding us down and holding us back. 2. We have spiritually decluttered our lives. We have taken out (and still are, as this process is ongoing) the meaningless time and filled it with God, whether that be studying His Word, talking to Him, or sharing more of God's Word with our girls. Let me tell you....I am loving it! Who know? For a world (or maybe just this little "America World") that holds you in higher regard by how much stuff you have, I sure did fall into that pit, piling shirt after shirt in my closet, toy after toy into the girl's bins. This decluttering came after much prayer and after much of God's hand our lives (through His Word and through numerous other people and circumstances)! Praise the Lord for rescuing me/us out of 'that' pit!!

This decluttering also came with a strong calling on our lives, to prepare and to go!Trey and I have felt called to international missions for over 10 years now. We have both served on short term mission trips (I traveled to Romania twice and Kenya three times and Trey traveled to Nicaragua once and Kenya once). We have both spent a lot of time working with refugees and we have a heart for the needy, the hungry, the thirsty, the poor, the lonely, the orphaned, the widowed, the lost, the “least of these” and we want to be God’s hands and feet. We have felt God’s calling on our lives to leave our comfortable ‘middle class’ life and to go serve alongside our brothers and sisters in Africa. We have prayed countless hours about where to serve in Africa, what organization to go with (if any), and asking God to show us where to start. He has answered and continues to confirm His will in our lives over and over again. We are so thankful and blessed that God has chosen us to go, as inadequate as we are, to be able to be used by Him to love people like Jesus does. To touch one life at a time and to plant seeds, to be workers in the plentiful harvest. I could go on for hours about our love for Africa and its people (as we are blessed to have friends and brothers and sisters from all over this beautiful continent), but there aren’t enough hours in the day! God has burdened us for the people of Busia, Kenya and I'll share only a few reasons why (please don't stop reading, as long as this post is, it is our heart being poured out to you!)

Why Busia, Kenya?

First, and foremost, God led us to this village/city through much prayer. After seeing the alarming statistics and spoke to our Kenyan brother that is working and serving in Busia we understood more of the reason why God chose this place for us. Busia county is home to more than 270,000 people and more than 70,000 children orphaned (this was a 2009 rough estimate which has increased drastically since then). 1 in 6 children die before the age of 5 from preventable diseases. Children are orphaned due to the high mortality rate from HIV/AIDS and malaria or die due to malaria and waterborne illnesses. Busia is a safe haven for those escaping the Lord’s Resistance Army (Joseph Kony’s cult) that is killing people by the thousands in Uganda and taking children captive turning them into killing machines and sex slaves. At the same time, however, Busia has also been a place of unrest. During the 2007 presidential election, our friends in Busia (from the “wrong tribe”) had to leave the city to escape from political persecution. Busia is home to several unreached people groups, one of the largest being the Luhya tribe. Our Christian brother said, in a recent email, “If finally you choose to come be with us you will be the first missionary to have come to stay with us ever. You will be a pioneer and an answer to the great ministry here.”-David Gitau (a brother and a dear friend of our family’s).

We have been in contact with our brother in Busia and have prayed over the requests and needs of the people there in this area of Kenya. I will be posting some of these requests and needs. Needs that you can pray for, support, and even join in with accomplishing! We will be sharing God's love with these beautiful people and helping to empower them to reach Kenya for Christ! We want to give a voice for those who seem to have lost theirs in this cluttered world! Will you listen?

Thank you for listening to what God has laid on my heart to share with you! We covet your prayers as we prepare to go; preparing our minds and hearts spiritually and as we raise financial support, traveling to churches and speaking to businesses and individuals. 

With a thankful heart,

Ashley

(If you would like to hear more in detail about the work we are preparing for, please don't hesitate to contact me by email @ ashley_fuller@live.com or by phone @ (504) 276-4925)

My hope is in You, Lord

The title of my post today comes from the title of one of Aaron Shust's songs. After I dropped Trey off at work this morning and made my way home, this song played on the radio and I couldn't help but tear up and get goosebumps (if you are a female, I'm sure this happens to you more often than not with a good song or book or commercial, if you are like me :) ) Anyways, the words were what I needed today (the link to hear the song is at the bottom of the post) as I share some important news in our adoption journey.

As most of you know, we came across triplet girls who were recently orphaned (in August) after their mother died and their father abandoned them. The events that led us to them were orchestrated only by God and for the past almost 4 months, we've been journeying down the road to adopting them, working with the head social worker (Ms. Hyacinth) in Malawi. It hasn't been easy waiting on emails and phone calls, and well it had been about a month and a half since we had heard anything last. So, Saturday morning I gave Hyacinth a call to check on how things were progressing (she had asked me to let her contact me, this was back in mid October, and said it should be awhile before she had any news). She answered her phone and I told her who was calling. I explained that I had received an email the day before (last Friday) from a worker at the hospital where the triplets had been born, stating that they were up to their birth weight and had all been placed in foster homes (we had known one had been placed in a foster home, but not that the other two had). She then apologized that her email had been down for the past couple of weeks and so she had no way of contacting me, but that the information I received was accurate. She said that while we were pursuing the girls adoption, these other families were also and even though they are not Malawians, they have first rights to the girls since they are in the country. My heart sank, I had prepared myself the day before (when I was reading the email from the hospital worker) that this news could very well mean that the girls would no longer be eligible, but I was also still optimistic (I guess I see the glass as always being half full). I had cried a lot on Friday and the tears welled up in my eyes again as we continued to talk about our adoption. She said that things were done differently there and that we would have to be there to foster a child, etc. I then asked her if I could say a few things to her (silently asking God to give me the right words to say, praying for favor as I spoke with her), I continued (I'm going off of memory here-so please bare with me), "Ms. Hyacinth, we want nothing more than to do things the way that they are supposed to be done. We chose Malawi because we know that God is in control of all things and we believe He has led us to adopt from your country, led us to you, and will lead us to the right children. We, as Christians, aren't called to walk the easy road, but to walk the road less traveled and to bring all glory and honor to Him in doing so. I know that adoption is still very new in Malawi and that most families have to still foster before they can adopt, but again we want to do things right and this is where we ask for your help." Her response brought a huge smile to my face as she said, "We have made exceptions to the foster care adoption rule and let me share with you how we have to do that. I think you are a wonderful person and you could pass every test in the United States to tell you yes you can adopt, but I need to meet you and my office needs to evaluate you. So, we need you to come to Malawi and we can go from there as to finding children already eligible." She had to cut the conversation short (after about 20 mins on the phone) because she was preparing dinner for her family, but she said that she was looking forward to my email with questions on how my visit to Malawi would go (about how long I'd have to go there, what paperwork to bring, would they have referrals from children ready when I got there?, etc). A conversation that started out in heartbreak ended in a note that only brought glory to the One who deserves all our praise! That has and will always be our goal in our adoption journey....that He may be known!!!

It would be a lie to tell you that my heart doesn't still hurt... a lot, that I don't still think about the girls, because I do. I still look at their picture everyday, since the day I first saw their beautiful eyes. But I am happy to say that they are all up to and past 5 pds. and since we won't have any issues now with the court of sharing their names and photos, Tadala ("we are blessed") and Takondwa ("we are happy") are being fostered by the clinical officer who delivered them (her and her husband don't have any other children) and Tamanda ("we are grateful") is being fostered by a maternity nurse from the hospital, that has taken care of the girls since they were first born. I'm so happy and grateful that they have families and I feel so blessed to have been able to pray for them (and I so thankful that they had people, YOU ALL, praying for them too)!!! Here are a couple of pictures of the girls (may you look at them, as we do daily, and remember to keep them in your prayers!!).

What do we do now? Well, we are waiting on grant replies. We are waiting on our 1-600A Form (our petition from the gov't to bring orphans into the United States) to be approved (which will be no later than Jan. 9th). We are waiting on a response from Hyacinth with instructions on when to travel and what to expect when I go. We need to raise more funds! We have raised some funds for our adoption expenses (thus far) and have paid a lot out of pocket, and as we look to the next month, or two or three, as we near the end, we know we still need to raise at least $14,000 more (this is the amount if we bring home one child, so the cost is still a little unknown) but we are confident that God will provide, either through grants, through the job that He has provided to Trey, and/or through our friends and family that have said yes! to helping bring the orphaned into families that love Him! Thank you so much for praying for us, loving us, encouraging us, getting excited with us, crying with us, financially supporting us, but most importantly THANK YOU for following with us in God's command to care for the orphaned, the fatherless in their time of need!

"REJOICE in HOPE, be PATIENT in TRIBULATION, be CONSTANT in PRAYER." Romans 12:12

With Much Love,

Ashley

Bittersweet Moments

As I clicked on a link to a blog post from a friend's status on facebook, I read what seemed to be my own thoughts, just not told or written by me. I'm not sure if any of you are familiar with Jen Hatmaker and her family, but as my husband and I began our adoption journey, my dad called me one day and told me about how Jen and her husband, who is a pastor at a church in Texas, were in the process of adopting two children from Uganda. At that time, I was reading every blog I could find on adoption to Africa, wanting to get a feel of what this journey may be like. I followed Jen and her husband through the end of their adoption process and even had an opportunity to correspond with her about her adoption and the process in general. It is so neat how God has brought different people into our lives through this adoption process and at exactly the right time! So, back to the blog...Jen shared about how we (families who are in the adoption process, as she puts it "pre-airport scene" and "post airport scene") feel. All the words that adopting families want to say, but never really do...we do mean to say them sometimes, but can''t find the right words, or we think these thoughts, but never have the guts to come out and respond! I'm sharing this link with you, our family and friends, because I feel like it is an important part of how we feel and think and without us having to say it all because, well, Jen did it for us! There are so many parts of this process that have been so hard for us, some of which she talks about in "the things never to say or do", which we've had said to us or done to us. Then there have been so many blessings that we've experienced during this journey, and again Jen touches on those in the "things to say and do".

One of these blessings that comes to my mind this very moment is a particular Saturday. The girls and I had a play date at my friend Traci's house with her sweet children. She was cooking us lunch and we were bringing dessert. Right before we left our apartment to venture up the stairs to hers, I sat down to read a letter from a hospital worker, at the hospital where the triplets had been born. This was about a month after we had found them and had begun the process to adopt them. The email in short said that even though this worker had told me early in the week that the girls were available for adoption, that the girls were now wanted by three other families and that they wanted to each adopt one girl (so to split them into 3 different families). It didn't say that the families had started already or that this was going to happen, but just that they wanted to adopt them. Tears couldn't have flowed out of my eyes faster. I broke down and all right before I was about to step out of the house. Hannah and Noelle just looked at me. So to not scare them any further, I wiped my eyes and up we went. We knocked on the door, Traci opened, and I couldn't help it but greet her with tears. For the next few minutes I poured my heart out to her as the kids ran around her house. She was exactly who God knew I needed that day and at that time. She had to have been a bit overwhelmed, but instead of trying to find the "prefect" words to say, she had tears in her eyes and asked if she could pray for me! What a blessing! Thank you Traci for that blessing that I will ALWAYS remember!

So, for our friends and families that are journeying with us or for those of you that know anyone in the adoption process, international or domestic, this is a must read (in my book): click this link: Jen Hatmaker's Blog Post: How to be the Village

Jen's blog, in a weird way, comforted me today. It helped me see that it wasn't just our family experiencing these things, but a lot of families and that it is okay to tell people what you want and how you feel! Today, for me, was one of those bittersweet days. I thought of all the pregnant women I know who will give birth soon and have already put together their nurseries and as I was plowing away at clearing the junk, books, and paper taking up space in our middle bedroom, I started thinking about how I'm going to decorate the room, what color I will paint the walls, then I paused.....the women I know about to give birth, most of them know what the sex of their baby  is and how many babies they are having so that they can plan and be more prepared. They can go and pick out bed sheets, and hang clothes on hangers, they can even register for baby items (because their loved ones are throwing them a shower), but I have a bedroom that in a few days will be empty, I won't know what the sex of my babies are, how many we're exactly getting (we'd love to think that the triplets are ours, but we don't know that yet) and as exciting as I am about decorating our nursery, I can't help but greet my joy with tears. Joy because God is allowing us the special blessing of adopting orphans into our home so that we may love them the way their birth mother and father can't/won't but tears because tonight they are going to sleep without a mommy and daddy (us) to tuck them in, to kiss them goodnight, to tell them how much we love them and how much God loves them. Please keep us in your prayers as these days are hard and sometimes all we want to do is cry. Pray for strength! Pray for our babies that are in a room, a hut, an orphanage, or a hospital right now maybe not even realizing they are without a mommy and daddy!

Thank you once again for allowing me to pour out my heart,

Ashley