As I clicked on a link to a blog post from a friend's status on facebook, I read what seemed to be my own thoughts, just not told or written by me. I'm not sure if any of you are familiar with Jen Hatmaker and her family, but as my husband and I began our adoption journey, my dad called me one day and told me about how Jen and her husband, who is a pastor at a church in Texas, were in the process of adopting two children from Uganda. At that time, I was reading every blog I could find on adoption to Africa, wanting to get a feel of what this journey may be like. I followed Jen and her husband through the end of their adoption process and even had an opportunity to correspond with her about her adoption and the process in general. It is so neat how God has brought different people into our lives through this adoption process and at exactly the right time! So, back to the blog...Jen shared about how we (families who are in the adoption process, as she puts it "pre-airport scene" and "post airport scene") feel. All the words that adopting families want to say, but never really do...we do mean to say them sometimes, but can''t find the right words, or we think these thoughts, but never have the guts to come out and respond! I'm sharing this link with you, our family and friends, because I feel like it is an important part of how we feel and think and without us having to say it all because, well, Jen did it for us! There are so many parts of this process that have been so hard for us, some of which she talks about in "the things never to say or do", which we've had said to us or done to us. Then there have been so many blessings that we've experienced during this journey, and again Jen touches on those in the "things to say and do".
One of these blessings that comes to my mind this very moment is a particular Saturday. The girls and I had a play date at my friend Traci's house with her sweet children. She was cooking us lunch and we were bringing dessert. Right before we left our apartment to venture up the stairs to hers, I sat down to read a letter from a hospital worker, at the hospital where the triplets had been born. This was about a month after we had found them and had begun the process to adopt them. The email in short said that even though this worker had told me early in the week that the girls were available for adoption, that the girls were now wanted by three other families and that they wanted to each adopt one girl (so to split them into 3 different families). It didn't say that the families had started already or that this was going to happen, but just that they wanted to adopt them. Tears couldn't have flowed out of my eyes faster. I broke down and all right before I was about to step out of the house. Hannah and Noelle just looked at me. So to not scare them any further, I wiped my eyes and up we went. We knocked on the door, Traci opened, and I couldn't help it but greet her with tears. For the next few minutes I poured my heart out to her as the kids ran around her house. She was exactly who God knew I needed that day and at that time. She had to have been a bit overwhelmed, but instead of trying to find the "prefect" words to say, she had tears in her eyes and asked if she could pray for me! What a blessing! Thank you Traci for that blessing that I will ALWAYS remember!
So, for our friends and families that are journeying with us or for those of you that know anyone in the adoption process, international or domestic, this is a must read (in my book): click this link: Jen Hatmaker's Blog Post: How to be the Village
Jen's blog, in a weird way, comforted me today. It helped me see that it wasn't just our family experiencing these things, but a lot of families and that it is okay to tell people what you want and how you feel! Today, for me, was one of those bittersweet days. I thought of all the pregnant women I know who will give birth soon and have already put together their nurseries and as I was plowing away at clearing the junk, books, and paper taking up space in our middle bedroom, I started thinking about how I'm going to decorate the room, what color I will paint the walls, then I paused.....the women I know about to give birth, most of them know what the sex of their baby is and how many babies they are having so that they can plan and be more prepared. They can go and pick out bed sheets, and hang clothes on hangers, they can even register for baby items (because their loved ones are throwing them a shower), but I have a bedroom that in a few days will be empty, I won't know what the sex of my babies are, how many we're exactly getting (we'd love to think that the triplets are ours, but we don't know that yet) and as exciting as I am about decorating our nursery, I can't help but greet my joy with tears. Joy because God is allowing us the special blessing of adopting orphans into our home so that we may love them the way their birth mother and father can't/won't but tears because tonight they are going to sleep without a mommy and daddy (us) to tuck them in, to kiss them goodnight, to tell them how much we love them and how much God loves them. Please keep us in your prayers as these days are hard and sometimes all we want to do is cry. Pray for strength! Pray for our babies that are in a room, a hut, an orphanage, or a hospital right now maybe not even realizing they are without a mommy and daddy!
Thank you once again for allowing me to pour out my heart,
Ashley
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