My hope is in You, Lord

The title of my post today comes from the title of one of Aaron Shust's songs. After I dropped Trey off at work this morning and made my way home, this song played on the radio and I couldn't help but tear up and get goosebumps (if you are a female, I'm sure this happens to you more often than not with a good song or book or commercial, if you are like me :) ) Anyways, the words were what I needed today (the link to hear the song is at the bottom of the post) as I share some important news in our adoption journey.

As most of you know, we came across triplet girls who were recently orphaned (in August) after their mother died and their father abandoned them. The events that led us to them were orchestrated only by God and for the past almost 4 months, we've been journeying down the road to adopting them, working with the head social worker (Ms. Hyacinth) in Malawi. It hasn't been easy waiting on emails and phone calls, and well it had been about a month and a half since we had heard anything last. So, Saturday morning I gave Hyacinth a call to check on how things were progressing (she had asked me to let her contact me, this was back in mid October, and said it should be awhile before she had any news). She answered her phone and I told her who was calling. I explained that I had received an email the day before (last Friday) from a worker at the hospital where the triplets had been born, stating that they were up to their birth weight and had all been placed in foster homes (we had known one had been placed in a foster home, but not that the other two had). She then apologized that her email had been down for the past couple of weeks and so she had no way of contacting me, but that the information I received was accurate. She said that while we were pursuing the girls adoption, these other families were also and even though they are not Malawians, they have first rights to the girls since they are in the country. My heart sank, I had prepared myself the day before (when I was reading the email from the hospital worker) that this news could very well mean that the girls would no longer be eligible, but I was also still optimistic (I guess I see the glass as always being half full). I had cried a lot on Friday and the tears welled up in my eyes again as we continued to talk about our adoption. She said that things were done differently there and that we would have to be there to foster a child, etc. I then asked her if I could say a few things to her (silently asking God to give me the right words to say, praying for favor as I spoke with her), I continued (I'm going off of memory here-so please bare with me), "Ms. Hyacinth, we want nothing more than to do things the way that they are supposed to be done. We chose Malawi because we know that God is in control of all things and we believe He has led us to adopt from your country, led us to you, and will lead us to the right children. We, as Christians, aren't called to walk the easy road, but to walk the road less traveled and to bring all glory and honor to Him in doing so. I know that adoption is still very new in Malawi and that most families have to still foster before they can adopt, but again we want to do things right and this is where we ask for your help." Her response brought a huge smile to my face as she said, "We have made exceptions to the foster care adoption rule and let me share with you how we have to do that. I think you are a wonderful person and you could pass every test in the United States to tell you yes you can adopt, but I need to meet you and my office needs to evaluate you. So, we need you to come to Malawi and we can go from there as to finding children already eligible." She had to cut the conversation short (after about 20 mins on the phone) because she was preparing dinner for her family, but she said that she was looking forward to my email with questions on how my visit to Malawi would go (about how long I'd have to go there, what paperwork to bring, would they have referrals from children ready when I got there?, etc). A conversation that started out in heartbreak ended in a note that only brought glory to the One who deserves all our praise! That has and will always be our goal in our adoption journey....that He may be known!!!

It would be a lie to tell you that my heart doesn't still hurt... a lot, that I don't still think about the girls, because I do. I still look at their picture everyday, since the day I first saw their beautiful eyes. But I am happy to say that they are all up to and past 5 pds. and since we won't have any issues now with the court of sharing their names and photos, Tadala ("we are blessed") and Takondwa ("we are happy") are being fostered by the clinical officer who delivered them (her and her husband don't have any other children) and Tamanda ("we are grateful") is being fostered by a maternity nurse from the hospital, that has taken care of the girls since they were first born. I'm so happy and grateful that they have families and I feel so blessed to have been able to pray for them (and I so thankful that they had people, YOU ALL, praying for them too)!!! Here are a couple of pictures of the girls (may you look at them, as we do daily, and remember to keep them in your prayers!!).

What do we do now? Well, we are waiting on grant replies. We are waiting on our 1-600A Form (our petition from the gov't to bring orphans into the United States) to be approved (which will be no later than Jan. 9th). We are waiting on a response from Hyacinth with instructions on when to travel and what to expect when I go. We need to raise more funds! We have raised some funds for our adoption expenses (thus far) and have paid a lot out of pocket, and as we look to the next month, or two or three, as we near the end, we know we still need to raise at least $14,000 more (this is the amount if we bring home one child, so the cost is still a little unknown) but we are confident that God will provide, either through grants, through the job that He has provided to Trey, and/or through our friends and family that have said yes! to helping bring the orphaned into families that love Him! Thank you so much for praying for us, loving us, encouraging us, getting excited with us, crying with us, financially supporting us, but most importantly THANK YOU for following with us in God's command to care for the orphaned, the fatherless in their time of need!

"REJOICE in HOPE, be PATIENT in TRIBULATION, be CONSTANT in PRAYER." Romans 12:12

With Much Love,

Ashley

Bittersweet Moments

As I clicked on a link to a blog post from a friend's status on facebook, I read what seemed to be my own thoughts, just not told or written by me. I'm not sure if any of you are familiar with Jen Hatmaker and her family, but as my husband and I began our adoption journey, my dad called me one day and told me about how Jen and her husband, who is a pastor at a church in Texas, were in the process of adopting two children from Uganda. At that time, I was reading every blog I could find on adoption to Africa, wanting to get a feel of what this journey may be like. I followed Jen and her husband through the end of their adoption process and even had an opportunity to correspond with her about her adoption and the process in general. It is so neat how God has brought different people into our lives through this adoption process and at exactly the right time! So, back to the blog...Jen shared about how we (families who are in the adoption process, as she puts it "pre-airport scene" and "post airport scene") feel. All the words that adopting families want to say, but never really do...we do mean to say them sometimes, but can''t find the right words, or we think these thoughts, but never have the guts to come out and respond! I'm sharing this link with you, our family and friends, because I feel like it is an important part of how we feel and think and without us having to say it all because, well, Jen did it for us! There are so many parts of this process that have been so hard for us, some of which she talks about in "the things never to say or do", which we've had said to us or done to us. Then there have been so many blessings that we've experienced during this journey, and again Jen touches on those in the "things to say and do".

One of these blessings that comes to my mind this very moment is a particular Saturday. The girls and I had a play date at my friend Traci's house with her sweet children. She was cooking us lunch and we were bringing dessert. Right before we left our apartment to venture up the stairs to hers, I sat down to read a letter from a hospital worker, at the hospital where the triplets had been born. This was about a month after we had found them and had begun the process to adopt them. The email in short said that even though this worker had told me early in the week that the girls were available for adoption, that the girls were now wanted by three other families and that they wanted to each adopt one girl (so to split them into 3 different families). It didn't say that the families had started already or that this was going to happen, but just that they wanted to adopt them. Tears couldn't have flowed out of my eyes faster. I broke down and all right before I was about to step out of the house. Hannah and Noelle just looked at me. So to not scare them any further, I wiped my eyes and up we went. We knocked on the door, Traci opened, and I couldn't help it but greet her with tears. For the next few minutes I poured my heart out to her as the kids ran around her house. She was exactly who God knew I needed that day and at that time. She had to have been a bit overwhelmed, but instead of trying to find the "prefect" words to say, she had tears in her eyes and asked if she could pray for me! What a blessing! Thank you Traci for that blessing that I will ALWAYS remember!

So, for our friends and families that are journeying with us or for those of you that know anyone in the adoption process, international or domestic, this is a must read (in my book): click this link: Jen Hatmaker's Blog Post: How to be the Village

Jen's blog, in a weird way, comforted me today. It helped me see that it wasn't just our family experiencing these things, but a lot of families and that it is okay to tell people what you want and how you feel! Today, for me, was one of those bittersweet days. I thought of all the pregnant women I know who will give birth soon and have already put together their nurseries and as I was plowing away at clearing the junk, books, and paper taking up space in our middle bedroom, I started thinking about how I'm going to decorate the room, what color I will paint the walls, then I paused.....the women I know about to give birth, most of them know what the sex of their baby  is and how many babies they are having so that they can plan and be more prepared. They can go and pick out bed sheets, and hang clothes on hangers, they can even register for baby items (because their loved ones are throwing them a shower), but I have a bedroom that in a few days will be empty, I won't know what the sex of my babies are, how many we're exactly getting (we'd love to think that the triplets are ours, but we don't know that yet) and as exciting as I am about decorating our nursery, I can't help but greet my joy with tears. Joy because God is allowing us the special blessing of adopting orphans into our home so that we may love them the way their birth mother and father can't/won't but tears because tonight they are going to sleep without a mommy and daddy (us) to tuck them in, to kiss them goodnight, to tell them how much we love them and how much God loves them. Please keep us in your prayers as these days are hard and sometimes all we want to do is cry. Pray for strength! Pray for our babies that are in a room, a hut, an orphanage, or a hospital right now maybe not even realizing they are without a mommy and daddy!

Thank you once again for allowing me to pour out my heart,

Ashley

ORPHANology

My father recently gave us a book entitled "Orphanology" Awakening to Gospel-Centered Adoption and Orphan Care by Tony Merida and Rick Morton. Even just on the first chapter, I can say it is a book that I recommend everyone read. Let me share with you the first paragraph of the first chapter:


"Our prayer as we begin this journey together is for you to experience 1 John 3:1, "see what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we would be called children of God; and so we are." And if you are a Christian already, please consider afresh God the Father's personal, particular, and persevering love for you, His adopted child. May your consideration of this love God gives create in you a desire to reflect His love to orphans."


That is our prayer too! We want our journey to reflect God's love...God's love for us as His children and God's love for the fatherless, abandoned, lonely. To look back, already, and think that this adoption may have already led people to Him or that it has already opened one or more persons eyes to the fact that God has called us all to care (in some way) for the fatherless, abandoned, lonely, the orphaned is so exciting for us!


We originally created this blog so that we could allow a window into our journey of adoption, whether it be to aid another family in an adoption to Malawi, help us to raise money for our adoption, to raise awareness of the fatherless and orphaned around the world, or just to provide a way for friends, family, and/or even strangers to know how to pray for us. Whatever the reason we first started this blog, it has become so much more for us...it is more than a window into our journey, it is a window in our hearts. We have shared our tears, smiles, laughter, dreams and frustration with you and with Thanksgiving soon approaching, we want this month to be focused on the thanksgiving we have in our hearts for all the things in our lives (including you, yes you who are reading this). So, let me take this time now to say "Thank you". Thank you for reading this post, for following our blog, for learning about us and walking alongside us on this journey, for giving your time to pray for us, for being willing to be used by God to help fund our adoption to bring our babies home! Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!


This past month a lot has transpired, so I want to share some updates with you:


We are excited to announce that our home study is DONE! Yup! If you haven't already heard via facebook, we finished up our home study and received our report around the second week of October. We are now working on sending out applications for grants (things have taken a bit longer with that since we have recently joined a new church and so our new pastor will have to fill out all of our applications-we will be meeting with him this next week about that). We know, however, that God's timing is absolutely prefect! We have sent in our i600a form (along with $890) to homeland security to be approved to bring orphans into the United States. That document is the last (for now) that stands between us bringing our babies home. After Malawi officials have given us a "for sure" "ok" on children there, we can then file our i600 form to approve those particular children as orphans (that doesn't take as long to be approved). Right now, though, we could be waiting up to 75 days from the date our documents were received which was October 24th. So roughly around Christmas or a little after is about the longest we'll have to wait, but AGAIN God's timing is prefect and if He wants it processed next week it will be and honestly we are anxious but we are also okay with waiting because we know that He has called us to wait upon Him!  In the meantime, Hyacinth Kulemeka (the head social worker in Malawi) has told us to wait on her. She had been asking us to call her every week for an update on her end, but she has since asked us to email her our information and wait on a response from her. She has sent a team to the hospital where the triplets were born and to the village to get written permission from their family members for adoption, so we are waiting on her response. We have known all along that the triplets could possibly not be found eligible, or that another family could be working just as hard to adopt them and maybe even get to take them home instead of us, which has honestly been rough on us, but we know that God has the right children for us. He has led us to the triplets for some reason, whether that be to bring them into our home, whether it be to pray for them, whether that be to support their Aunt (who is caring for 3 of her own children and 3 of their older brothers and sisters), whatever the reason we want what God wants for us!


So, in short: we are waiting...on a lot of things...but still we are waiting and we know that God can and will be glorified even in waiting!


Blessed to be waiting upon the Lord,
Ashley

being REFINED to GLORIFY HIM

God showed me once again today, through studying His Word, that there is a purpose for everything in my life and the life of our family and to rejoice in that, no matter what the circumstances because HE IS ALWAYS IN CONTROL.

 "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice." (Philippians 4:4)

 "But now, O Lord, you are our Father, we are the clay, and you are our potter, we are all the work of your hand." (Isaiah 64:8)

Charles Stanley writes, in 30 Life Principles, that "Nothing that happens to you is ever meaningless or useless...God has a very important purpose for refining you, which is to conform you to the image of His Son and glorify Himself through you. The more jolting the hardship, the greater the ministry which God is preparing for you. The deeper the cut, the more profoundly God will use you to do His work in the world if you will trust and obey Him."

Waking up with the attitude every monring that I want, yes want God to refine me daily in order for me to be conformed to the image of His Son so that Christ may be glorified through me, I'll admit, some days isn't always easy. I can't say that waiting week after week is an easy task, but if it means that we are 'smack-dab' (did I say that right?) in God's will, then bring it on!!! I will wait, but I will still cry out!
"Give ear to my words, O Lord; consider my groaning. Give attention to the sound of my cry, my King and my God, for to you do I pray. O Lord, in the morning you hear my voice; in the morning I prepare a sacrifice for you and watch." (Psalm 5:1-3)

And I know that He hears my cry and His will, will always prevail!

"I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry." (Psalm 40:1)

As we continue to wait, and tomorrow brings a new possibility of answers and a step further to bringing home our child/children we rejoice in waiting because we rejoice in being refined!

Thank you for walking through this refining process with us (otherwise known as adoption). May God always receive ALL THE GLORY through this adoption! 

-Ashley

"...He will not leave you or forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6

I definitely didn't think it had been so long since my last post, but as I've said before, the adoption process is a slow and sometimes 'stand still' journey (physically at least). This last month has proven to be one of the most difficult times to date in our adoption journey and has tried our patience. One thing I do know is that God has taken us through it and we know He is faithful to continue to walk in front of us, alongside us holding our hands, and behind us giving us that push that we sometimes need. Our faith in God and our trust in Him to complete what He has started and what He has revealed to us is what ultimately keeps us going. He has given us an awesome responsibility already as parents and we know that this new and incredible responsibility He has laid before us, otherwise known as adoption, is one that He alone has ordained. May we never lose sight of that and may all who are witness to our adoption only be able to say 'Wow! God is great!' and that we may only give honor and glory where it is due.

About two and a half weeks ago I found out or better yet came to the realization that our lawyer was not doing a very good job. Really, he wasn't doing anything! So, we prayed about it and decided to go with a lawyer we had previously found (unlike the other lawyer, we didn't know anyone who had used him for their adoption, but he did come with high recommendation from the Malawi Embassy). So, I called Alan, the lawyer we hoped would represent us now, and well I asked if he would represent us and what the next steps are in the process. He did more for our case in the first 10 minutes of speaking with him than our old lawyer did in weeks. Praise the Lord! God again proved that He was all knowing and in control of every situation! He told me that in order to continue with our adoption, we would need to speak with Hyacinth, the head of the social services in Malawi, who controls the adoption process. I was instructed to call her and tell her about the triplets, about the situation with the families wanting to split them up, and to see from her what steps I needed to take next in order to find the triplets eligible (again) and to adopt them. He emphasized that we needed her on our side if we wanted to win our case. Ultimately, again, I knew however that a case would only be won and the adoption would only be complete if it was/is truly God's will for our family! We have before and since we found out about the triplets, prayed for the children we are going to adopt. Hannah and Noelle also pray for them on a 'several-times-a-day' basis. WE ONLY WANT THE CHILDREN GOD WANTS FOR US AND WE ONLY WANT THEM IN HIS TIMING! That being said, we have felt through prayer that God has led us to the triplets, and so we walk on the path God has set before us until He shows us something different. We have come to know a little about the girls, and if I could show you their pictures, then you couldn't help but want to hold them and kiss them and love on them. That has proven to be such a hard part of all of this....the uncontrollable! I, even if I'm not actually, do feel like I'm in some control of my girls...well, am I right? I can tuck them in bed, I can put good food on the table for them to nourish their bodies with, but the triplets or any other child/children we adopt I can't yet do that with...I can't hold them when no one else will, I can't give them good food to eat or ensure that they truly are eating and to be honest it's is really hard to have no control. I wouldn't say that I, Ashley, am a control freak, but yeah I kind of am. We, as parents, know that our children are really God's children that He has given us them to train and to grow in the knowledge of Jesus Christ so that they may honor Him with their life, bearing fruit, praising Him, and working for His glory! So, we are already praying for the children He will bring into our family, not as the world sees as a natural way to enter a family, but through a God extraordinary way that we may do the same with them, training them to one day honor and glorify God with their lives, as we are already training our children now to do.  So, it is a daily thing with Hannah and Noelle and praying for our future children, that God would take over, thanking Him for allowing us to be a vessel that He is using to instruct them in the ways of the Lord and thanking Him for everyday we get to do just that.

My conversation with Hyacinth two weeks ago wasn't as positive as I had hoped, but she was glad we were now headed in the right direction. She asked for a week to work on getting some answers and finding out some information concerning the triplets. So, I called again last Friday to speak with her about what she had discovered and there was little news. Praise God for the little things though! Not only had she found out from the Nursery, the orphanage the girls are to be moved to once they reach 5 pds-an orphanage that doesn't allow siblings to be split up, that they are still expecting them soon but Ms. Hyacinth was positive and well...she was nice! and that was a big change from our conversation the previous week. She asked for me to call her in a week or two, as she was sending a team to the hospital where the girls were born and are still at and to find their Aunt. If you remember from a previous post, any living relatives that would normally be caring for the children, have to approve the adoption (making the children eligible for adoption). So, as I prepare to make the phone call to her in the next few minutes, as the phone line was busy earlier giving me time to write a post, I pray that she would know some new information and that we would continue to move where the Lord directs! Alan, our lawyer, is on 'stand-by' waiting for the 'ok' from Ms. Hyacinth so that he can proceed forward with our adoption!

Pray with us for this team of people, for us to find favor with Hyacinth and with any other Malawian officials, pray for the Aunt (as I can't disclose pictures of the girls until our court date, I won't disclose her name either)-pray that we would find favor with her, pray that our desires would only be the desires that God wants for us-that God's desires wouldn't match the desires of our hearts, BUT THAT GOD'S WILL WOULD ALWAYS BE THE DESIRE OF OUR HEARTS!, pray for Alan as he prepares to represent us-he'll be taking on a lot especially since there are three families that want to split the girls up, for the girls as they continue to gain weight-that they would remain healthy and growing strong, for their caretakers both the hospital workers and the ones that are preparing for them in the Nursery-that God would give them strength and wisdom. May God place these girls in the home/homes He wants for them and may we always know that His ways are higher and greater than ours will ever be!

Thank you once again for being a part of our journey, for enduring all of my long, ungrammatically correct posts!
-Ashley

An Open Book

Today, as I was remembering back to the beginning of our adoption journey to Malawi. I remember thinking and deciding early on that I wanted to blog. For one, we wanted this blog to serve as a tool for international adoption, international adoption to a 3rd world country, and better yet international adoption to Malawi. First and foremost though, we wanted this blog to be a special part of our story, the story of how God has brought us to this point in our lives, a story of God's faithfulness, a story and testimony of God in our lives. This adoption only exists because of God and we want it to only bring glory to Him!

Through my daily quiet time with Him, recently, I've felt God speak to me and showing me things that have led us to certain decisions, ones met with opposition and discouragement. But we remain faithful because God has revealed things to us and has led us down this particular path and until He shows us something different, we keep on going, knowing and trusting that His will is far greater than anything we could ever imagine.

Today, after I was done with my devotion, a song came to mind: "I Will Lift My Eyes" by Bebo Norman. This song is one of my favorites and it just gave me goosebumps as I stood in my kitchen, washing dishes, singing it out to the Lord. The words in the first verse have been my prayer these past few days:

God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now
God be near, calm my fear
And take my doubt

What led me to this prayer:
Saturday morning I woke up excited to check my email in the hope that I may find a response to the email I sent the doctor's wife who is at the hospital, in Malawi, where the triplets are being cared for. There it was, I had mail, and it was from her! To my surprise, however, it was not the email I was hoping to find. I was expecting a new update on the triplets, one like the last that said they were doing well and gaining weight, but this one was not an update and it was not an email that I received 'well'. The email, in short, said that the word had gotten out in the hospital that we were working to adopt the triplets and that sparked interest in people. Four different individuals were interested in the babies already apparently (1 couple and two nurses) and they somehow got together and came to the conclusion that splitting the girls into 3 homes is what was best because they didn't want the burden to lie on anyone one family. So, they were interested in adopting them.

You can only imagine how I felt! I will be honest, I was a complete mess. Had God really waited 8 months to show us children He wanted us to adopt only to take them away? I had to leave the house, no really I did, I had a lunch playdate for my little ones scheduled for 5 minutes from then and I had to pull it together. Well, that lasted until I made it the house we were going to for lunch, which was just a quick trip up our apartment stairs, and I fell apart at the door as it opened. (note:Trey was at work and unreachable at this time) God knew I needed Traci (our neighbor and friend) and I believe He used her in a mighty way that day as she brought us in and prayed for us. She prayed for the wisdom to discern God's will for our lives, for God to remain faithful to us, for the hearts of these Malawians to be softened (since there are a lot of people in Malawi who still oppose international adoption), for God to show the judges and whomever else what He has already shown us (to keep these babies together). It brought me back! Where Satan had weaseled his way into this crazy moment, to try to bring doubts in my mind, we had used the power of prayer to push him out. Adoption, especially one that involves multiples, may seem to some as a inconvenience, a burden, a distraction to what God has already called our family to, but to us it is a BLESSING! God is bigger than anything and everything we put in front of him; our jobs, our marriage, our families, school, and yup! our adoption! As Job says,

"I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted." (Job 42:2)

So, He can and He will do all things according to His will and purpose. We continue to seek God and follow where He leads!

Encouraging Words:
I received an email from the TLC "Quints by Surprise" Ethan and Casey Sunday evening in response to one I had written to them two days early. I had asked for some honest advice from them on daily life with multiples. What a blessing their words were. They were honest about it being a tough at times, but they were also honest about the blessings they've had because of their children. They also encouraged us to stay in the Word, to always work hard at our marriage and for it to always stay centered around Christ, and to always make sure to include our older ones (Hannah and Noelle) in everything we do, so that they will always feel included and special!

I also spoke with our lawyer in Malawi yesterday and to our dear friend there. They are going to meet up and start working on everything for us. His words in our conversation on Monday went a little like this:Ralph- "If I can just get you in a room with a judge and let you speak about your love for Africa and orphans, there is no way he can say no to you!"-I pray that this adoption will be a testimony to our attorney that God is in control and that things will work according to His timing and will. I'm not sure if He is a believer, but I hope that we can share Christ with Him while I'm there because He already has such a heart for the orphans in Malawi and if He is a believer, then that is just too cool!!!!! Also, we were told by our friend, Laura, in Malawi that the Crisis Nursery where the girls are to be sent once they reach 5pds, does not allow siblings to be split up (at all)! So, I'm not sure how these families were planning on splitting them up, since the aunt already told Crisis Nursery to take them.

Prayer Requests:
-Pray for God to continue to reveal His will to us, that we may only go where He is leading us
-Pray for the triplet's aunt, that our lawyer may find her, speak with her, and that she will sign a petition to allow the triplets to stay together and allow us to adopt them all
-Pray for the girls (the triplets), for their health
-Pray for our family as we will be transitioning soon to a bigger family, that we always remain focused on God
-Pray for our support, as we still need to raise the $2,500 for my trip (at least $1,800 by the end of the week to purchase my plane ticket)
-Pray for my passport to be updated and sent back quickly and for our FBI Clearances to be returned to us quickly

Where to begin!?!?

'Waiting on God simply means that you continue in your present position until He gives you further instructions. As long as you are obeying Him, you will continue on the correct course.'-Charles Stanley(30 Life Principles)

(this post may be long, but please stay with me here!)

This week began a little different than most weeks, but still no major change. We started de-cluttering and cleaning for our home study visit #2 scheduled for this Sunday, Aug. 28th at 3pm. I had a few things I needed to send our social worker too, but mostly Monday was just another day of fun-filled activities at the Fuller house.

Late Sunday evening I had spoken with our friend in Malawi about where we were in the adoption process and if she had any new phone numbers for me (as the numbers that I've been trying in Malawi for awhile either didn't work or no one ever answered). Laura, our dear friend there, was able to schedule a time on Monday to visit an orphange and she asked me to text her my cell number so that she could tell me to call her when she had gone to the orphanage (to give me an update and fill me in on any children there). To my surprise, I woke up Monday morning to a facebook message from her, it explained that she would be going to the orphanage soon, but she also was encouraging me to 'keep on' and to remember that the blessing of adoption is wonderful and that the children we were tirelessly trying to find were out there and that God would reveal them to us and to not give up! We had never said anything about giving up, but she knew that we needed encouragement...that is what brothers and sisters and Christ should do, and in the case of our adoption and all the unknowns, encouragement and Hope in Christ was just the thing I needed Monday morning! What a great way to start your week, BUT that wasn't all....she sent a link with her note. Now, I wasn't expecting a link and she never mentioned that she was sending one, so I clicked on the link but at that time in the morning I didn't have time to read it.

Morning routine went on like normal, getting the girls dressed and breakfast on the table. While they are eating, I usually sit and do my devotion and that is just what I did. The devotion for the day was based on Psalm 4:8 and the peace that God gives those who are earnestly seeking Him (the peace of knowing your in His will). Even with all the dead ends on our part and 'no answer' phone calls, we've always felt like we were in God's will and had a peace about the process. A peace that meant we knew that God would continue us on a path until He was ready to reveal something else to us about the process. God had taken us from Ethiopia to Malawi, a country with few adoptions in past and no adoption agency in country to work with, He had moved us during the process from Amite to New Orleans, He had shown us that we weren't going to adopt one child but two...and so we continued/continue down the road until He reveals something new. Looking back it was all to give glory to Himself, for us to not to rely on our own strength but on the strength of our Lord and Savior.

At this point the girls were done with breakfast and wanted to swim in the tub (since the pool wasn't open) and I felt God telling me to open the link again that Laura has sent me. So, I sat on the bathroom floor next to the tub I and read! I was OVERWHELMED! Overwhelmed in a good way, though. The link was a blog of a doctor and his wife serving on staff at a hospital in a village outside the capital city of Malawi. As I scrolled down the page, one post read: Sad news-Triplets now orphaned. I read the post and started to cry uncontrollably  and I felt so sick to my stomach. I had to call someone, but who? Trey was at work and I knew couldn't answer his phone, so I called my dad. What was God showing me? What would Trey think?

I continued to do research on the babies, the hospital, the mother and the family, the orphanage the babies would go to once they gained weight. At this time the triplets are just above 2 pds, they were born later in July, but as much as I knew they were pretty healthy. They do have to reach 5 pds before they can be moved to the orphanage in Lilongwe, Malawi though. And I prayed, prayed, and prayed! I think I honestly can say that I've prayed more in the last few days than ever before...God is using this process to draw us closer to Himself and I pray for that in every situation in our lives, that He would draw us closer to Him than we were yesterday and the day before that.

So, throughout the next couple of days and events God could only orchestrate He was showing us to pursue this. Pursuing this brings me to why I'm sharing this story with you. At the recommendation of our lawyer in Malawi and what God is showing us, I would need to travel to Malawi in the next month or so, to get the ball rolling on that end. Malawi social services, as our lawyer told us, does not really take an American seriously who just calls them about adoption, and it would get us nowhere! Also, they would need to read our preliminary home study file, look at pictures of our home environment, but mainly have that visit marked in with social services is  a HUGE deal, as they control whether your adoption would take 1 month or 18 months.

We were not prepared to hear that I would need to go NOW. We were anticipating me leaving in November, which gave us time to apply for grants and loans, something you can't do until your home study is complete. So, I knew and know this has to be a God-thing. The trip is $2,500 (that's just travel and stay and a bit of gas money), we also need to bring some lawyer fees, which I will know more about today or tomorrow as I am waiting on an email from our lawyer. This doesn't include us putting the girls in daycare for a week because Trey works during the day and lining up individuals to take them in the evening....this is a BIG thing!

I know this post is long, not grammatically correct, but I felt that I needed to share. To share not only where we are in this adoption process, but to share that we could use YOUR help! We need you to PRAY, PRAY, PRAY...pray for the girls, for their well being, for them to continue to take the formula that will help them to gain weight, pray for the orphanage that will take them and the staff there, pray for the social service individuals we'll be working with there (as of right now the girls will be eligible for adoption once they move to the orphanage, but everything could change in an instant there and we have to know that God will continue to open the doors He wants us to walk through and close the ones He doesn't), and pray for us...this is a BIG change, from 1 child to 3 children and by the time they come home they could be as young as 5 months old...that means three 5 month olds, one almost 3 yr old, and one almost 4 yr. old, but we know that God will give us the strength we need-pray that we can adjust well, pray that we know every day what and where God is calling us to, since again Malawi is an unknown and up in the air country when it comes to adoption, we step out on TOTAL FAITH! and pray for your support!

If you haven't already helped with our adoption, would you pray about supporting us? Maybe you have supported us and feel led to give again? Whatever the case, anything and everything is a blessing and will help us get me to Malawi a.s.a.p. So, THANK YOU tose who have supported us and those of YOU who will be, for your sacrifice to take time out of your day to pray for us and/or to give financially to bring our children home that you've never even met.

-One blessed and happy Mommy!

...and then there were 6

That's RIGHT!!!! Pretty soon we'll be a family of 6! What does that mean? Well.....it means we are adopting 2 children from Malawi! Through much prayer and discussion and even more prayer we feel God calling us to adopt two! That's a big change, especially since we haven't identified the children we're adopting yet. So, we are venturing into the unknown, but that is a lot of what adoption is about. We knew that would be the case, so we are just taking it one day at a time, asking God to lead us where He would have us. Right now, He has us waiting patiently on Him. I'll admit that I struggle sometimes in the area of 'patience', but God has really helped me grow in this area throughout the adoption process and I pray He continues to always grow me. As humans, we want things done right now and in the manner we expect them to be done, but the Almighty has bigger and better plans....ALWAYS!


So, let me update you on some more things that are going on right now with us. We sent out our FBI Clearances out on Thursday morning, so they should be receiving them between Tuesday and Thursday next week and then we wait....for 8 weeks! for them to process our information and fingerprints. "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord"  Also, I've been researching orphanages and using my contacts in Malawi to find children eligible for adoption, but I've come up empty...But God knew that on the right day, at the right time, He would show us the children He wants to add to our family. The other night, as I became impatient and frustrated with the fact that we are 3 months away from being able to go to Malawi to pick up our children that haven't even been identified yet, God led me to a website I had never even seen before. Even with all of my long hours of research on orphanages in Malawi, I had never come across this site and when I opened the website, it read, "Want to Adopt?". YES YES YES we do! They have two orphanages, one in Kenya and one in Malawi. I got the contact information for the director of the organization and will contact him first thing Monday morning. Whether this is the orphanage that we adopt from or whether God is leading us to work with this man to find children we can adopt, He will reveal that to us in His timing! I can't say that I'm not excited for that phone call Monday morning, because I AM! But "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord"


We are so thankful for all who are and have partnered with us, whether through prayer or financially giving bc  it is helping us bring our little ones home! If you are not partnering with us, WILL YOU CONSIDER supporting us through prayer and/or financially giving? Any gift is a gift much appreciated, as adoption (whether domestically or internationally) is costly.


I haven't yet, so let me break down the total cost of our adoption process to Malawi for you:


Home Study Fee (with document fees): $1,950
I-600 A Form, I-600 Form: $1,050
Malawi Lawyer &court costs: $1,500
Documents, Passports & Birth Certificates in Malawi: $200
Flight Costs for bringing our Children home: $2,600
Airfare Costs for my trip to and from Malawi: $1,700
Home Study Fee in Malawi: $200
U.S. Attorney Fee for Legalizing our Adoption (La does not recognize international adoption): $500

Total= $9,700


To date, we have only paid out our Home Study Fees. Again, we have been so blessed by those who have supported us, who have helped us raise close to $400! Thank you!!!!! We look forward to one day sharing with our children, the story of their adoption and how so many helped bring them home, through prayer and financial gifts of support!!!

"God is good all the time

He put a song of praise in this heart of mine

God is good, He's so good

All the time"

"Grace, grace, God's grace"

"Grace, grace, God's grace, 
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within; 
Grace, grace, God's grace, 
Grace that is greater than all our sin. "


I love this hymn! It reminds me of the grace that God has poured out for me (a sinner)! "But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain." 1 Corinthians 15:10 I love the story of Paul! How God took a man who persecuted His people and then used Him to proclaim His name to the nations! May God's grace on my life not be in vain. We are going through a study at church on 30 Life Principles (by Charles Stanley) and this week God did a work in me that really opened my eyes to my sinful ways. Our principle that we studied this week was: "You reap what you sow, more than you sow, and later than you sow." (Judges 2:1-4) . Even though we covered verses in Judges and in Galations (6:7-8), the verse that really hit home was one that I hadn't studied this past week. It wasn't in our lesson, and I only read it while our lesson was being taught. on Sunday We read from Psalm 22 (verse 6), discussing the idea of (sowing) planting seeds in your children's lives and one day, prayerfully, being able to reap the blessings. In our case, this would be, raising our children in a Godly and loving home, to love the Lord their God, teaching them to care for the needy, train them to go into all the world and proclaim the message of Christ to the lost and then being blessed by knowing that our children are honoring God with their lives. But I went further down the chapter, verse 8 "Whoever sows injustice will reap calamity, and the rod of his fury will fail." My sinful ways,lack of faith for provision, had led me to not speak up for the injustice in the world. I don't know when that came about, to be honest I grew up in a house that spoke up for the injustice in the world, and for as long as I could remember I had strived to do the same. In the last couple months, however, something had changed. The idea that Trey's job might be on the line if I spoke up and said something, prevented me from doing just that. This week, I had the opportunity to feed, clothe, and share the love of Christ with a homeless woman (Lauren) who stands under a bridge near our home, frequently asking for money or food. God used that one situation, I believe this week, to get me back on the right track. The past couple of months, sitting silent , not standing up and speaking up for the dying of this world, was evidence of pure selfishness and disobedience.


The two children we have now, enjoy a refreshing glass of clean drinking water several times a day, but sadly I don't know that our next child does. Over 5,000 children a day, under the age of 5, die from the lack of clean drinking water. That doesn't even cover the children who are over the age of 5....how many are dying because we sit silent, how many are dying because we're not standing up, how many die because of our selfishness or lack of faith that God will provide when we are faithful to give. Now, it's not the Joel Osteen idea of "give all you have and God will give you more money back than you could have imagined", BUT give because it's commanded of you-of us as BELIEVERS, give because He will richly bless your life (maybe not with material things but with the reward of knowing that you live a life that is God honoring)!


My thoughts, I know, are random today. When God lays something on your heart to share, all you can do is share. I pray everyday for God to continue to work in me, mold me, shape me into what He wants me to be. May I (and may we) never grow complacent in our walk with God, but live a life that strives to be deeper in His word, that yearns to be closer walking with Him. May God use me to stop some of the injustice in this world, may God use our family to show the world how you can honor God in all that you do, and may my children, one day, know the love of Christ and proclaim it to all the nations...all my children, the ones I know and love now and the ones I will know and love one day (soon)!

"It is good to give thanks to the Lord, to sing praises to Your name, O Most High..." Psalm 92:1

This weekend was a special reminder of how thankful I am to the Lord for so many things in my life. First, I'm blessed beyond measure to have a Father who is full of grace and mercy. When I've fallen, He has been there to pick me up, when I'm unworthy, He still is there loving me everyday and every step of this journey called life. He is Comfortor, Sustainer, Grace, Mercy, Love! I love Him and adore Him! I'm thankful that He so blessed me with such a Godly earthy father who loves His people and who is a daily example of His love to all. He raised me according to God's Word and showed me God's love each and everyday. I'm so thankful to be able to call him (Craig Montroy) "dad". I'm also very grateful for the special man He brought into my life, that I now am blessed to call my husband and father to my children. Trey is my best friend and the love of my life and reminds me of God's everlasting love through His love and devotion to His Savior Jesus Christ. Hannah and Noelle are a reminder of God's love each and everyday...their innocence and yet hunger for the Word, already, is so exciting! I pray that they grow up to know and love the Lord with all their heart!(-Ashley)

We as a family are so thankful to God for the blessing of adoption. We are also thankful to Him for the many opportunities He's given us in the past few weeks to share about our adoption. I want to now and always make it clear to all that this journey would not be possible if not for Him! We give God all the glory!!!

Well, most of you probably wonder where we've been this past couple of weeks? Well, we are still here...the adoption process is long and there isn't always something to share on a daily, weekly or even monthly basis, but I thought I'd update you all on where we are to this day. We have just a couple of papers left to hand in to our social worker, FBI clearences, and medical forms to have filled out and looked over and then it is on to our last set of paperwork. Our home study looks to be completed by the 1st of August..woohoo!!!! Thanks to our exceptional social worker, Kelly Matherne, it has been a wonderful experience!! She has not only been there to file and fill out paperwork, but to encourage us along the way (checking email at all hours of the night to make sure we had things in on time and to also just see how we were/are doing).  After the homestudy is complete, we will then file the first part of a government form that will allow us to bring a 'forgien' child into the country (the 2nd part will be filled out once we identify the child we'll be adopting). Then after that is checked over (approximently 6 weeks after it's mailed in) then we can go to Malawi to pick up our child. Please pray for those who are in Malawi looking for a child eligible for adoption (this means a child who has no living relatives, or whose living relatives agree that they can be adopted-this may be an aunt, grandmother, etc.)! We know that God is in control of all things, and He already knows the right child for us (and we are so thankful for that)! So, we are 1/2 way there, I'd like to think, but the adoption process can be unknown as far as timing goes...we just pray for patience!!!!

My next post will either be when our home study is done (and APPROVED) or when a child is identified, so please don't get discouraged if you don't see a new post for awhile. Just remember to pray for us, pray for our child, pray for our social worker, and pray for all who have/will have a hand in this adoption!!! Thank you to all who are already praying for us daily, we def. feel your prayers!!! Thank you for the words of encouragement also, what a blessing they are to us during this time!!! Thank you, THANK YOU, to all who purchased a t-shirt...WOW what a blessing it was to have so many who gave in support of our adoption and who showed their love for us in a unique way!!! May your t-shirt tell a story everytime you wear it and spark a conversation about adoption that just may open the door to another family taking that next step towards starting their own 'journey' (I know our t-shirts have done just that for a couple families already)!!!! 

"Many women are capable, but you surpass them all!" Proverbs 31:29

I dedicate this blog to Mother's Day! (although later than I'd hoped)

Today is the day we set aside to celebrate mothers and all that it means to be a mother. Also, it's the day we celebrate the special gifts God has given to us, our children! As I look at life in a new perspective now than I did 4 years ago when I was not only not a mommy but not even married yet, to now, with my two beautiful little girls, there is a new found awe to the word "mom", "mother", "mommy", or as my sister likes to say "mumkins". What better blog to dedicate to my mother and some of the most beautiful Godly mothers I have known and loved in my 25 years of life than on our adoption blog. Motherhood, whether you are pregnant,  already have your child/children with you to hold and tuck in at night (that's US), waiting and praying for your child/children whom you don't even know their name yet (that's US too), have children that are grown, or have grieved over the loss of one of your own...is still motherhood. It's still a bond, a special and unique bond between a mother and a child; if for a day a week, a year, or tens of years it's a blessing from God!

My mother, Susan Montroy, has always shown me, even from a very young age, what it means to be a Godly woman, mother, and wife. I know that I didn't always make it easy on her (especially my late teenage years) but she has helped me to grow in wisdom and in grace. I just love how Proverbs 31 talks about how a Godly woman, wife and mother should exemplify Christ. As I look back, my mother displayed those things to me and now I get to take what she has taught me and demonstrate it first hand to my children, to my husband, to God, and for our household. 

     'Mom, I love you so much and I'm so thankful for the relationship God has given us! You are not only my mother, but my best friend, my children's Nana, and a wonderful example to all who know you of what a Godly woman, wife, and mother should be! This day could only have been made better if I would've been able to celebrate you in person! I love you, Mom!'

'Hannah and Noelle, I'm so blessed to be your mommy. I look forward to what God will do in and through your lives, but I cherish all of the moments now as I know you are both a special gift from God! You make me laugh so much everyday, yet I'm left with tears in my eyes (tears of joy of course) and you keep me guessing! You make me want to be a better mommy day after day, to strive to continue to show you what a Godly mother is, and to tell you about Jesus' and His love for you!!! May you live according to Gods plan for your life and be an example to all of His love!! 

I love you girls!'

'To our child who is in our hearts, as we still don't know anything about you yet...we wait patiently on the Lord and His timing to bring you home to us! We long for the day we travel to pick you up and bring you home to meet your two sisters and the rest of your family that already loves you and is praying for you!'

Lastly but not at all least, I celebrate all of the beautiful mothers that I have known and loved in my little over 25 years of life. You have helped me to be the mom that I am today and have been an inspiration of Godly womanhood and Godly motherhood! Of course I have left out many because it's late and I'm running on 'mommy brain' (haha) but two special ladies pictured below, alongside all of the other wonderful ladies, is my gorgeous and Godly sister Meredith who is just a wonderful inspiration of strength and Christ-likeness in a busy world, being a wonderful mommy to Caleb and to the 'little one on the way'(so excited to be an aunt for the second time), and to Teresa Fuller (my mother-in-law who went to be our Lord and Savior last year)...what a dear woman who had God's love shining through her and overflowing into the lives of all who knew and loved her. In her short time of being a "mawmaw", she made special memories with Hannah and Noelle that Trey and I will continue to keep alive in our children's hearts forever! I see her example of motherhood through Trey every time he holds our precious girls. Scripture says it all, "Her sons rise up and call her blessed"-Proverbs 31:28....that is a wonderful reflection of how Trey feels about his mother!

"How beautiful are the feet..."-Romans 10:15

I know that this is a blog that is used to tell our adoption story, to not only allow you to be a part of our journey and to help others in the future with their adoption, but we also want you to sneak-a-peek into our everyday lives as a family in this amazing process.  Our eyes are opened more, I think, since we've been in the process to how children in other countries live and the conditions in which people in third world countries survive in (or don't survive in). I grew up being taught to help the poor, feed the hungry, cloth the needy, go and be the hands and feet of Christ..and I have done those things, Trey and I have both done those things-still do and now are teaching our children those same principles! I think, however it has hit closer to home (if that makes sense) since we've been in the adoption process. Whereas I might have cried once a week for the poor and needy, I find myself crying daily and praying more earnestly (as I am on the computer on a daily basis looking up info on Malawi adoption and come face to face with images a few times a day of the conditions of the poor/oppressed). I'm so thankful for that too! And you might ask, why are you thankful for the fact that you are teary eyed almost every single day? Well, because I never want to be comfortable! I never want to be so complacent with my lifestyle and walk with Christ, that I'm not brokenhearted when I see pictures of tiny faces that look malnourished, when I see images of families scooping water from a waterhole that is also used by animals to urinate in, or hear stories of Christians who are being persecuted daily for their faith in Christ. No, never do I want to grow comfortable with my middle class life...I long for Christ to make me uncomfortable so that He can show me daily where I need to change to be a better believer, where I need to pray more to hear His voice speaking even more than I think I already hear it, where I need to live out my faith more so that those around me see that I continue to live a God honoring life- a life that serves the poor, cares for the needy, and looks after the oppressed!  So, a sneak-peek in the life of me and my family today would leave you "shoeless"...yup, that's right-not speechless, SHOELESS! Once a year, I think now for 4 years, TOMSHOES holds A ONE DAY WITHOUT SHOES "day" to raise awareness for the millions that grow up without shoes and without opportunities. So, no shoes for the day for my little family, and being a stay at home mom it isn't such a big deal (it may seem to you) but I did still have an opportunity to get the word out. Next to posting it on facebook, I went to the gym this morning and had the chance to share why I wasn't wearing my shoes, to this sweet little old man who volunteered to buy me a pair when he saw I wasn't wearing any. How cute! After I shared with him, he said that next year he would love to participate in something like this and wondered why he hadn't heard of this before, because it was such a neat idea. Who new? A man, from a distance, you may have thought was set in his ways and who may have seen me as a "kook", actually was excited about getting involved next year! And I hope by reading this you will be too! As a Christian, it is more than just a movement of people wearing no shoes to make others aware of those who don't have shoes, but about being the feet of Christ. We as believers are called to be the hands and feet of Christ and I feel like this is just another way to do just that. When you tell the reason why you are not wearing shoes, it gives you the perfect opportunity to share the gospel and to make others aware of a greater purpose in life!!!!!

ONE DAY WITHOUT SHOES...WOULD YOU GO ONE DAY WITHOUT?

Romans 10:14-15 -PRAY THAT GOD WOULD MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE!!!!! Pray today and everyday for those who are without shoes, clean drinking water, food, and MOST importantly the WORD of God and the knowledge of saving grace!


side note: Sorry about the delay of adding a way to buy shirts through paypal on the blog. We have had sick kids since late saturday night. So here are the payment instructions: click on the paypal/donate button on the right side of the blog and pay for the shirts that you want to purchase (adding $2/per shirt that we'll have to ship out of amite, la-amite being a free delivery). Then send an email to Ashley: ashley_fuller@live.com and let her know what specific shirts you have ordered (include sizes and colors) & list a mailing address to have the shirts shipped to. If you don't have a paypal account or don't want to start one (which is free by the way), then still send Ashley an email letting her know that you would like to send a check instead for the order. She will then email back the address you can send the check to (so as to not disclose all personal information on the blog). Thank you in advance for your help!

'Glory in His Holy Name...'

As I have said over and over again, we continue to stand in awe of how our GREAT and AWESOME God works!  On Thursday, we had our home study visit (the first of two) with our social worker Kelly. Although she didn't look through our home, which we scrubbed from top to bottom, we still got a lot accomplished on her check list. We've been working diligently the past 3 weeks to get documents in, state clearances sent, paperwork filled out, & papers filed. So, this left just a few things for us to fill out while she was here for 3 1/2 hrs and mainly left the visit to interviews and discussions about family, life, and international adoption. We're doing great so far (as in approvals from state clearances etc.) and we're still working to finish a few last documents she needs to close our home study. She will return, once we move to New Orleans, to assess our home there and to have us sign a few more documents. Then, she will finish her report which is compiled to be our "home study report" which will tell the government here and in Malawi that we are eligible and capable to adopt a child.

 As God has called us all biblically to care for orphans and widows in there time of need (James 1:27), we have felt, as you have read, to bring that conviction to heart and into our home (if that even makes sense). But the process is not a short one nor is a cheap one. And in the home study interviews, our social worker asked many times if we had the support of our family, friends, and church and we said YESSS because we know that we do! That support mainly comes through prayer and encouragement and we are so grateful for that! Another way to support our journey is to buy a T-SHIRT! My father took the design we had in our heads and put it to computer which will intern be put onto a T-SHIRT. We are selling one design in three different shirt colors: black and white for $15 and the red shirts for $18. Local delivery fees are free and any other shipping will be $2. We are excited to be able to use these shirts to allow ya'll to be a part of our journey, but also to one day show our son or daughter that we had a world of prayer warriors that helped bring them HOME!!!

Thank you for loving us and being a part of this amazing journey that God is taking us on!!!!!!


Starting tomorrow, we'll have a way that you can purchase the shirts through paypal. You can also call with orders: Trey's cell # (985) 474-4930 or Ashley's cell # (662) 554-8038